Doctors Offer 5 Tips for First-Time Dads
When women are pregnant, they have a vast network of female friends and family to help, but men do not have the same support system. Dr. Andre Stein and Dr. Peter Samu have the answers and help first-time fathers need in their recently released paperback "FatherÂ’s Milk."
(PRWEB) October 3, 2003
Becoming a parent for the first time is one of the most stressful and wonderful times in a person’s life. Usually, women have a vast network of female friends, relatives, and doctors to rely on for support, strength, information, and encouragement. Most men do not have this support system, but they need support and information just as much as their wives/ girlfriends do. Dr. Stein believes what is most important is, “a soulful understanding of where the father and the child are coming from and how that influences the point where they meet. Although we cannot hope to completely un-muddy the waters, we can chart a map of where the biggest eddies and whirlpools lie in wait to entrap the unaware.”
Dr. André Stein and Dr Peter Samu, authors of "Father’s Milk," recently released in a paperback edition, offer five survival tips for first-time fathers.
1) Create your own support network. “Find one or two fellow travelers who also have pregnant
Wives. You’ve probably never had a heart-to-heart talk with anyone about where your life was going now that you were to become a father. Don’t be surprised if your friend is also starving for an audience, even if he doesn’t know it yet.”
2) When the baby first comes home, do not be offended if your significant other’s attention is entirely on the baby, leaving little or nothing for you. “Her immediate focus is naturally the baby. You cannot and really shouldn’t try to insert yourself between them. For the moment, she might as well still be pregnant. The difference is that she is eager to introduce the baby to you. She will rejoice at your acceptance and delight in your joy. The love she directs at you, for the time being, is through the baby. Once you demonstrate your full acceptance of the child’s being in the home and you show yourself as a careful and capable custodian, she will be able to relax and direct some of her energy toward you.”
3) Be supportive of your significant other, even during the scary personality changes. “Put your partner ahead of yourself. Love and cherish her like never before. Mostly, trust her. She’ll be back sooner than you think.”
4) Get out of the house alone with your significant other. “Taking a night off seems to present a huge challenge for most young moms in the beginning, and perhaps for you as well. But if you persevere you will eventually realize that the benefit in mental health for the two of you far outweighs the initial discomfort.”
5) Be open to developing a relationship with your child and creating a new one with your significant other. “The time to start your relationship with your child and beginning the new one with your partner is from the very beginning. Doing it in a collaborative, involved, and mindful way will encourage your continuing on that road forever.”
André Stein is the author of four books including Hidden Children (Penguin Books, 1993). He is a retired professor from the University of Toronto where he founded the first Human Communications Program in Ontario. He lives with his wife and partner in psychotherapy, Vicki Rosner Stein, and their three youngest children in Toronto. Peter Samu is a radiologist practicing in Toronto. He has his medical degree from the University of Toronto and his radiology certification from Stanford University. A short story Dr. Samu wrote was published in Gifts of Our Fathers (Crossing Press, 1994).
